Sources confirm that AbleBoss has officially joined the “Party of Direct Deposit.” His political stance now depends entirely on who Venmos him first. Left wing, right wing, chicken wing—doesn’t matter as long as it comes with a tip.
When asked about his core beliefs, he replied:
“I believe in whoever paid me last. And also in free snacks.”
Rumor has it he’s drafting a new constitution—on a napkin from the donor’s kitchen.
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